Friday, June 30, 2006

The Evangelicals are So Gone

Are you there God? It's me, Athiest.

I react to certain things by flailing my arms and running in the opposite direction. Examples include "Newark, NJ", "Robert Bateman", "Monty Pytho-" *slap*, and band names enamored with religious connotations. However, if Christian bands are busy calling themselves Underoath, bands naming themselves Evangelicals may be filled with pseudo-apathetic pop witticisms.

I must remind myself not to be tricked. I have discovered from statistical investigations that we live in a world of irony, reminiscent of the continuum of a hampster wheel. With the assistance of their My Space slogan "Evangelicals arrive at 6/6/6", I was able to bi-pass my innate predjudice to their title. This is where the door flung open to dive into their sensory blooming(dale) energies.

The Evangelicals are the red balloon that drifts around in the sky forever without popping. While this indicates that they may be superhuman, I concede that if they morphed into cotton candy they would immediately seek the habitat of warm (chlorine) pool water, where they would gracefully disintegrate, embellished by a fury of alternating water currents.

Their most sincere revelation is somewhere between "Hello Jenn, I'm a Mess" and "Diving". Follow their spiritual guidance at [My Space] or where their heaven becomes earth at [Misra Records].

I too, am a mess.

-Tara

Friday, June 23, 2006

Girls with coats



One time i met a tall man who was obsessed with a medium girl...and she sang in a band...and she worked as a coat check girl...he owned 30 coats...and he checked them all in...every day...when i met him he was sweating and about 5 feet thick ... parkas and blazers! raincoats and windbrakers! zip downs and zip ups! flannels and dead animals! ... i think he must have been nervous cause he was heading to the coat check...i assumed thats why he was sweating..har har har...watch her sing a song --->

land of talk - sea foam (live at the knitting factory)

Monday, June 19, 2006

Nestle Inside my Cadbury Egg


The other day someone asked me to name ten candy bars as fast as I could(!) This taxing request to usurp time was followed with my abrupt and mute disregard. As high up the ladder as car games, compiling an 'it' list of confectionary branding is a horrible expenditure of time. Next time I hear someone talk about candy bars, I can only hope that it is in allusion to the little number out of Tampa Bay, Florida.

In Tampa, I picture popsicles melting before people get to them, the populous weary from the thickness of humidity. I picture the beaches far from the human equivalent of a bee colony, as the civilians surely douse in modest appreciation for being anything but Miami.

With some kind of extrordinary buoyancy, Candy Bars sit on the cusp between the surrealism of heat exhaustion and the tight slap of sunstroke. Trapsing like a caravan salivating for air, one of their limbs always manages to bask carefree in the sunlight.

Candy Bars - Violets

Buy it [New Granada Records] or ride it [My Space].

-Tara

Thursday, June 15, 2006

AT LAST!

HOOOLY GUACAMOLE....i dont know how this snuck by me for the last five years or so...i can specifically remember searching the whole world wide web with my world wide web browser over and over and over and over in grade 10 computers...trying to find the tiniest little spec of a Built to Spill moving picture...i didnt care if it was a sequence of Doug Martsch blinking. So anyways... now that were in the future...and some dude invented you tube...well ....fuckit....just watch...its way more than i ever expected...i wanna cry:

Built to spill - car (video!)

-love-
Jeff the House

PS: Why does every summer consist of every moron with a lawn mower pulling out there Blind Melon "no rain" single ...ENOUGH O' DAT!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Pilgrims Swimming in the Lakes of Middle America

I never pictured the Mayflower sailing in with quite this much force. After wearing one of those silly white hats and holding a cornocopia completely mute for the duration of my Kindergarten's Thanksgiving play, I concluded that the pilgrims must have been rather bashful as they sailed in on the Mayflower. Between that staggering performance, our regular sing-a-longs about the 16th President (Abe), and the daily recitals of the Pledge of Alliegence, it is clear to me that I learned more about civil history in American kindergarten then I did about Canada during my entire Junior High and High School career in the Great White North.

Hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota, Kid Dakota (states and states) also tells a story of the Pilgrim. What he seems to do is take their victorious moment in history away by stearing the helm of the Mayflower right into the rocks, the ceremonial drummer boy parading like a lemming off the decks. Toggling between nihilism "we're not transcendental, there's nothing beyond you, there's nothing to hope for" and radio propoganda "the west is a future, it's bright and metallic, the west is a promise, the west isn't over", until the track breaks like the crash of '29.

Listen to Pilgrim on the Kid Dakota My Space, then continue your exploration into the heart of middle America with the water of 10,000 Lakes.

-Tara

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Slashed a Bean Bag Chair

Slashing a bean bag chair is something I could picture myself doing when I was nine, in and around the time I played a game called "Swim Like a Fish" in my neighbour's basement. In this game, the "fish" would "swim" blindfolded around the basement trying to tag the rather large bean bag carrying target that was the other "fish". Both "fish" would melodically repeat the game's title as a tracking device.

I never took out the machete in pursuit myself, but children of today are undeniably more aggressive than they were in the 90's. Let's keep this story under wraps.

As for Yo La Tengo' s new track Bean Bag Chair and the way it carries like a jovial musical parade, it's possible another benign and blistering Tengo sensation is approaching. The upcoming full-length I am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (did I mention kids are getting more aggressive these days?) awaits us in September. But you already knew that.

You may not know: New Wave Hot Dogs ('87) and President Yo La Tengo ('89) exist together on one CD, a Matador re-issue that has evidently been floating around under my nose since sometime in '96. Everytime I listen to Yo La I am perplexed as to how I have made it this long without drowning amidst their entire discography. These two albums (in conjunction with Doolittle) may have saved my life from the synth pop of the late eighties if I wasn't still listening to Raffi. Oh Matador, remind me to get you something.

-Tara

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I Cut Myself Loose



I have the power to shape myself into the caricature of a twisted snot nose by disclosing the creative insults I seem to conjure up about artists/people/peons on stage whom I don't tenderly absorb. Let's get started (artists/people/peons alluded to will remain nameless):

"You have to be (simaltaneously) unaligned, moody and abstract to redeem this experience at all. Here's to high probability!"

"Holy prolific rock cause! Do you really think that will win you votes in Florida? You're just a lumberjack statue from Omaha!"

But don't be fooled - Ladyhawk was a fine ride. That is outside of the drunken mastermind spilling beer all over the floor, providing a stickiness that disabled me from easily moving my feet. Yeah, audience!

For your at home exposure, Sad Eyes/Blue Eyes and The Dugout are on the Ladyhawk My Space, as previously posted. If that and a Pilsner doesn't get you rawr-ing to go (roadblocks included), buying the album and hearing My Old Jacknife will have you carrying around eight white letters in your backpack (ready for assembly) should you ever run into them.

There website is almost as flashy as their t-shirts. Check it.

-Tara

Hussy make me woozy



The other night i saw this boy (Hussain raving) play this guitar in this room and i got shivers...
he said ... "i cant remember this song, cause im really stoned right now" and then all the little girls laughed, they were his age and must have had big crushes on him...and i know if i were one of them id have a crush on him as well...ahhhh...there i did it, without mentioning Elliott Smith once....

LISTEN!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Whats This? Whats This?


Its going to be a fabulous night at yer ol' lucky bar tonight! the one chord song wont be there!
three other fabulous locally localish bands will...

links will do for now (this is the first day and i (we) dont know how to upload an mp3 yet!)

Band: Ladyhaaawk!

Sound like: A rockslide

From: somwhere in vancoukelowna

Why should you watch!?: hair growing on face

www.myspace.com/ladyhawk

Building Steam From a Grain of Salt (Again)


Many things start from swimming in monochromatic filth: wars, airplane trips, a first sip of wine on a day of ambiguous weather, making a blog at two o'clock in the afternoon while wearing a sarong and still sipping your first cup of coffee.

Innocently running around the blogosphere listening to mp3's, the tracks were screaming (oh great, something else that yells)
at my nine hour musical deficit initatiated from sleep:
"Here kitty, kitty, kitty (cat)...look what I have inside this box!"

And so I decided (while marveling at the wonder of it all): if the bandwagon's red, I'll join in. Sure enough, it was a rich rouge (made in Indonesia), and that's a good enough reason to start one of these time-sucking, music mongering, emotionally persuasive, two-dimensional blocks of space. Mmmm.

Actually it was my roomate Jordan's idea.

-Tara